A Hedgehog's Lament
With Tavern SingAlong
I felt like I needed something silly tonight, so I revived one of my sillier poems. Make up your own tune for the chorus. Here's mine, and I was inspired to post it by this lovely story here.
Claus Rebler from Korneuburg, Austria, CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons
A Hedgehogs’s Lament
Here’s the chorus: Sing along and stomp your boots! Wave that pint of good bitters! Try not to slosh.
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"Oh the hedgehog’s life for me!
To wander the sedge and be free—
No fears or distress
It’s all peacefulness
We sing out joyfully!"
A small hornless rhino that clanks,
This hedgehog’s a monster in plate
He’s covered in sharp-edged planks
What an unfortunate twist of fate
A poor hedgehog, a miniature tank
While surrounded by all his best mates.
Chorus
“This has set me all a tumbling.
These plates are just a kludge.
I’d be happy just a-bumbling
Through brush and bush and hedge.
But look! I'm just a-fumbling
To pry loose and not wedge.”
Chorus
“These scales resemble large logs,
I’d be happier with spines
Spines attract the lady hogs
They’re small and they’re refined
But these scaly thing-a-bobs
Are a royal por-cu-pine.”
Chorus
“I’d really like to clank less
I’m always bringing up the rear
My plates impede my progress
The ladies run in fear
I waddle like a walrus.
There'll be no piglets here!!”
Chorus
“This life’s a regular rum show
Why’d I have to draw this deal?
Don’t tell me--just the way it goes
If it was you then, how’d you feel?
It may be a one in a million throw
But losing throws are real!”
Chorus (minor key)
This poem’s a made-up confection,
Of a hedgehog arrayed in spikes,
Who can’t dance because of rejection,
And sadly walks home through the night.
Chorus (upbeat)
Let’s welcome Spike in, not reject him,
Bring him in to society’s light
Hedgehogs come in different renditions
But inside they are really alike.
The essence of hedgehog is this, I supposes:
We all roll into balls so nothing discloses
Our soft little toeses and turned up noses
Round and stout, we sing out!
Oh, the hedgehog’s life for me!